La caja de Meredith

WeLcoMe SprInG!

Here is something I am working on……

The sun is setting and birds are singing. The sun is setting and the kids are yelling and pouncing around outside. Their territory exists between two houses, a hard stretch of grass between the their homes is the ground for their action. They are forever fascinated with the neighbor’s dog; they call it over and over and over again. The neighbor thinks the kids must be bored, or poorly looked after since they spend all day on this mound of grass, endlessly enchanted by just a dog. Her brother-in-law reminds her that such is the lives of children.

Here is a link to Kielbasy, where I just completed a residency…..

Here is a photo of the vegetable box the garden volunteers built at PS 123! The families are calling it “la caja de Meredith”, which of course, is not true, but I am appropriating their words for the title of this post, because I am trying to share the contents of the box!

Be well. Don’t take no for an answer and practice lots of Yoga!!!




33rd birthday post

October 22, 2009

Memory of a memory

My father and I push a giant shopping cart around The Price Club. We are to fill it up with bulk items. 20 rolls of toilet paper, a gallon of mouthwash, a package of 8 brushes for teeth, blocks of cheese, frozen foods, small batteries, medium batteries, large batteries. With these items, I will move into a first floor apartment, with low ceilings on Putnam Avenue. The apartment is cold in the winter and cool in the summer. Every morning I will wake up to green ivy or foxglove or roses or changing leaves. Sometimes the backyard will fill with snow. On the occasion of a full moon, I will not be able to sleep for the insistence of bright light filling the room.

On the day after my 27h birthday, I will wake up with a sexy black dress, barely halfway down my body, a bra still in place and eye-liner smudged around my eyes. I will feel both sad and happy when I wake. This will happen a few times in other apartments.

We dodge other shopping carts using my father’s well-worked out strategy. Keep moving. When stopped, pull into corners. Remain alert. There are a lot of careless shoppers out there.

Babies like to sit in the front of shopping carts. Is that legal? They enjoy grabbing items of intended purchase and throwing them out of the cart back into the aisles. I would enjoy this too. I think I might enjoy doing it while I poop into my diaper. Sometimes I get together with my friend Julie and we throw food, but we don’t wear diapers or poop. We are ladies who like to be in control of ourselves and then to suddenly lose it. Suddenly.

Let’s lose it tonight, even if we don’t see each other. Suddenly.

Note: I might be losing in in Prosepct Park with leg warmers at around 9pm or I might  find myself at ‘Where The Wild Things Are’ at the Park Slope Pavillion at 9:15. In all probability, there will be a party at my house tomorrow night. Call me about all or any of these things.

The Dinner…………..mmmmmeeewwwwww

Finally I am able to share these images from The Equanimity Dinner a few weeks ago.

I believe that the dinner was a great success: We struck a good balance between dinner party and performance. There was a lot of conversation; the spontaneous sharing of food and ideas. I let people know what was set in stone about the ritual and what they could interpret. People drifted in and out. Melissa, Laura and Jodi participated in the entire meal with gusto.  Melissa brought green peas — which I love — and Laura brought congee. Yuck! My father brought 2 pounds of Pasta con Sarde for my aversion food. I also added Pomegranite, walnuts and sardines to the table.

The first course was champagne and lemon sorbet. Very sweet.

The first course was an act of self-love.

First courseHG with parsleyLP with ParsleyMe with parsley

Then a Parsley chew, walking through the maze. People appreciated the free parsley. People appreciated all the free food throughout the evening. I was happy playing myself, the maternal Italian Grandmother.

MW with parsleyCaitlin sardinesEating all together

The next course was plain quinoa. Bland. I asked people to contemplate boredom as they tasted the food.

Then we did Parsley again.

Next, Jodi served us very bitter green tea. I asked that we consider self-loathing during this course.

Then we made up our plates for the main course. We were to find a place in the maze and eat slowly. I was nauseous from the start.

Me with plateLaura's plateMelissa's plate

I ate slowly with the intention to taste every bite. The congee was difficult, the pasta a bit easier with the peas. I ate every bite.

LP eatingMW eatingmee ating

After I finished I found Melissa and Laura. We discussed our experience with the eating meditation.

Then we returned to the dinner table, talked some more. We shared Brandy with who ever was interested and cleaned up.



Today and yesterday I am in a sea of emotional tastes.

These are my aspirations for the dinner tonight.

That we will have a chance to relax and enjoy.

That we will move on, within or past a boundary of taste and possibly touch that movement.

That it might be a kind of meditation.

Take your sea/place you attention on the food you are eating/label tastes as pleasant, unpleasant or neutral/ if you cannot eat it, give it away!

How can something feel so right and be so wrong?

Sunday morning: I am trudging through a miserable hangover and therefore trying to practice equanimity about the state I am in. For me this means – not fighting it, not denying it,  not wallowing in regret about it, but not making a huge deal about it. I am REALLY uncomfortable

Looking forward to the Equanimity Feast

I think it may be a bit more casual than I imagined, so if you didn’t RSVP, but would like to bring a food you have difficulty with, feel free.

I met a chef last night who might bring something and Forest said he would bring something, but I was drunk and I can’t remember what.

A definition from


mental or emotional stability or composure, esp. under tension or strain; calmness; equilibrium.

Origin: 1600–10; < L aequanimitās, equiv. to aequ(us) even, plain, equal + anim(us) mind, spirit, feelings + -itās -ity

Synonyms: serenity, self-possession, aplomb.

Antonyms: panic, disquiet, discomposure, agitation

equanimous – adjective

In a sentence! Please comment with more sentences.

It was difficult to remain equanimous while swallowing the raw clam at the bottom of my Bloody Mary.

“If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with”

Developing equanimity of taste

All week I have been ordering ‘Avena’ or Oatmeal. To me oatmeal is this

I have been receiving something more like porridge or Farina, very milky, already sweetened. I am starting to like it, but it has too much sugar.


I realize that the e mail was too long, so people did not read it. Two of my closest friends did not read it when they got it. I should have predicted this. We don’t read long e mails do we?

I have decided that the bland food will be plain millet.

I intend to taste the blandness and just sort of be there with it.

I need to buy forks.


Will I have to work late on Tuesday?

Will people be bored?

In Hinduism, equanimity is the concept of balance and centeredness which endures through all possible changes in circumstances.

Upekkha: Equanimity dinner update

Upekkha (equanimity) is freedom from all points of self-reference; it is indifference only to the demands of the ego-self with its craving for pleasure and position, not to the well-being of one’s fellow human beings.

My thoughts on the feast today.

I woke up feeling anxious about it. When people read the e mail maybe they do not understand what I am asking. Maybe I did not explain it clearly enough. Maybe people will be disappointed. Maybe people think they are all going to eat. Maybe I should be feeding them.

I think I will feed them and invite them to join. Why not?

The idea of having an RSVP for the dinner was based in being able to solidify an outcome, which is impossible anyway. That is the idea of the feast. To examine our expectations for something to be pleasurable and under control.

So here is a list so far of chances I have had to examine and deconstruct my expectations: I have not necessarily been “successful”, but “success” is not a factor.

The two people who have RSVP’d cannot eat most of the food becasue of dietary restrictions.

I freaked out (internally) when my friend D told me he was definitely coming and immediately tried to explain that he might not actually enjoy it or that it may not meet his expectations.

I asked L. not to bring the baby and begged her to be on-time! Ridiculous.

Thanks to the universe for allowing me to look at all this!